Sweet-Journey

Have you ever really like someone?  And you keep that feeling inside because you don’t want him to know?  You don’t want to ruin the friendship or you are too scared to tell him because you think you’re not good enough for him?

I never realized that December is really here!  That 2009 will be over soon :(  I am kinda sad, I feel like I don’t wanna move on yet.  As we get to new year, I always remember that I’m getting older and that I have to go through harder life choices which make me uneasy.  I’m never a good decision maker; I always ask other people’s opinion first.

Also, when the year is almost over you’re gonna start to make new year’s resolution and as the year goes by, you will never be able to fulfill everything..  It kinda sucks; I wish I could do all my new year’s resolution.  I usually make one every year but what I know for sure I want to write journals again this year.  I haven’t had one since maybe two years ago.

So, final week has been weirdly a blur to me!  What I remembered from it was being at Starbucks for hours, complaining how hungry we were so we get some Panda Express.  Going back to our big black table, trying to study but can’t get enough of White Chocolate Mocha so we got our venti drink!

I just wish all of these is over already!  You know sometimes when  you feel like excited to start something new, there’s a tendency for you to not want to go on anymore in the middle or towards the end..  It’s kind of weird but it happens all the time to me.  Strangely enough, it only happens to school-related work!  And what funny was, my research paper’s topic was about how teenage girls feel stressed out compare to boys and compare to girls from the previous genereation.  One of the major reasons why was because of school work!

Imagine taking so many classes at school, plus you have to something else outside of school (like an extracurricular activity or a volunteer work), then people will start comparing you with your siblings or your parents’ friend’s daughter, plus you gotta compete with all the boys on going to college or being the best of the best at school and at sport!  There are too many things going on in a girl’s life!

In addition to that, we gotta fulfill what it is to be called beautiful; or to be called perfect.  So basically, more and more people are telling us to be smart, busy, competitive, AND at the same time they still want us to be gentle, sensitive, and caring!  What do they want from our life?!  It’s making me uneasy sometimes to think that everyone expects this much from me!  I mean I know they assume me being a girl so I can multitask.  But here’s the fact: multitask doesn’t work and will never work!  Girls do it all the time because we HAVE to, that’s why sometimes our work are flying out the window because it is just too much!

Expectations.  I kind of dislike that word now.  Being a girl, being the first born, being a leader..  Not only expectations come from those, but also responsibilities.  Sometimes responsibilities are unnecessary, like washing the dishes or cooking rice.  I really don’t like it when I’m blamed of something just because I’m the oldest!  Or that I’m asked to do something just because I’m the oldest!  Hello?!  What’s the use of younger siblings? :)

Well..  I guess I’m just mad because a lot of my friends have their last final today but I still have another mortifying final tomorrow: ANATOMY!  Of course, I’ll be going to Starbucks again and study, and eat Panda Express, and get (maybe) a Grande WCM! :)

Have fun still if you have one last final tomorrow, and enjoy your winter break already!  Be safe.

So today is the first day of final! And also is the day when I feel like I’m the dumbest person in the world :(

My day started off by me being late because I stayed up til 2 to write a cheat sheet for my Chem final. Then when I was almost at school, I just realized that I left my cheat sheet at home AND my calculator too. I was really mad! After an hour or so into my final, I looked at my bag AND there is my calculator sitting in there. Oh goshh! I really never felt this stupid in my LIFE before! :(Luckily, the final was ok, even though it was kinda a blur to me.

FINAL survivor tip:

1. Never take 5 classes in one semester (if you go to a community college)

2. If you have to write a cheat sheet, write it 2 days before!

3. If you take the bus to school, make sure you can carpool with someone or make sure you wake up early enough.

4. Get a cup of Starbucks’ white chocolate mocha after with your friend and start studying for your next final! :) Enjoy your final week!

Well it’s that time of the year again. December; it’s the holiday season! But I just can’t help myself not to think that 2009 is almost over. There are too many things that I don’t want to leave behind yet. I’m too comfortable at where I’m at right now :).  Guess what’s happening next year? I really am leaving my youth years and entering adulthood for sure because I will be 20!

This Christmas.. I don’t know what to expect :). I want to believe that miracles do happen. That God’s power is too strong for us not to believe. He can move mountains and for sure he can change someone’s heart. I still believe that His will be done in my life and His will is the will I will follow.

I never experienced white Christmas and I don’t think I will this year. But it’s okay, maybe when I grow up I’ll have my own white Christmas. I like it here anyway, I’m not really looking forward to move anywhere else. This is where my heart belongs.. Have a great holiday and Christmas season! :)